Friday, March 31, 2006

romance started at rave
New year day that day
tipsy giddily drunk
the two went out for stroll

love grew
deeply in love
perfect in heaven
As both of us knows.

I'm tearing as i blog this.

-

I'm sorry for my solemn mood today in camp guys, I have had a rough day yesterday.

-

Thought to myself yesterday to do a photo compliation of my younger years, to seize hold of many captured memories before they vanquished with the wind. I realised i'm no longer 19 ; no longer in the yesteryear where i threw caution to the wind.

I'm 20, and very soon, i'll be having a job soon. Marriage will follow ( stigmatically ) next, kids, grandchildren, and i'll then be die off hopefully with a final battle. And thus i need to remember for the memories that ought to be remembered.

Nasty pictures and photos! Argh. I looked fugly in the yesteyears!! Gawd.

-

And the Sarara photo album stood out like a fish out of a pond. Flipped through the photos, re-read your letters. And teared.

My BMTC photo, without me inside of course. Maybe it was god's plan afterall, to hold the photo session on the 14 of october. I wondered what i would have done if i knew the photo taking was on that day. Maybe things would have changed, maybe it wouldn't have.


The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 6:37 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I realised the more i dare to express myself more, the more i find this blog redundant.

What started out only as a habit to please someone, eventually became a nasty habitat of kept feelings.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 5:46 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Because, emotions and feelings are the biggest blocking stones against greatness.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 7:59 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

If my life isn't serving a meaningful purpose, why for am i living it?

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 7:55 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Sunday, March 26, 2006

30 miles apart, and yet it feels like its reaching 3000.
30 miles apart.
Your smell, the aroma, your cup of indispensible coffee, its warmth still feels my heart.

30 miles away from you, is a boy who used to call you home.
Am thankful for the guidance of the hand that held firm through the rough terrains.
For you were to me; what you are to coffee ( though that's such a comical comparison is it not )

Laughs.

This endless trough of 3000 miles, its easy to get lose.
I'm sustaining on the remnants of ( again, like how coffee sustains you )

The poignant aroma of the coffee bean, the fragrance of a freshly brewed latte.
It's what keeping me strong, keeping me on.


3000 miles nearing 30, home is where i wanna be.

-

No prize for guessing who that was for. I have to admit i amaze myself sometimes with the amount of thrash that people still read with the limited amount of knowledge and flair i have for writting.

Still, its the heart-felt words that counts after all.

I miss you.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 8:25 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Saturday, March 25, 2006

My current posting at Jurong camp is alright, but Jurong camp sure is effing big.

Strangely enough, our permanent posting for the future have already been settled, and i'm unfortunately not the sole person selected for the thailand posting.

But this time around, to all who knows me well enough, knows i'm gonna fight it out with the person to obtain the posting.

Aight.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 1:31 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Friday, March 24, 2006

The times when we were more than friends,
we laughed and giggled over the silly things your past were doing.

Today, history's taken a spin to mock back at me.

I'm not ashamed of what i have done,
rather,
I think it's just too silly and redudant.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 8:20 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

width="240" height="180"
alt="Playful Exciting Nonconformist Giving Carnal Hugs and Erotic, Naughty Gratification"
border="0" />

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 7:23 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Man are best apt at hiding their emotions. Smiles outside, tears inside.

Today, we mark the end of a short, but meaningful new-found friendship as we bonded over the salts and waters of siloso beach. Maybe we'll see each other some day, and as one of my friend once mentioned, no distance is too far if the friendship's real.




Back street boys wannabe
















OETI - Autotech Vehicle C Batch 22 ( without Siva, peixin, and our dearest IC )

To weichang, yoga and hong qin, all the best to your newest posting at seletar. To the rest, i'll see you tml at Jurong camp.

P.s, why do i ALWAYS close my eyes when i'm taking pictures!

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 5:30 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Another phase of my army life over and done with.

I'd really like to thank its god's intervention for sending me back to camp today after everyone left for home at one today , and i shall explain why.

I was suppose to return my rank band over to my warrant officer today, but i left it in my bag, and since it was the last day i decide conveniantly not to carry my bag to camp. I was given a harsh reprimentation, and given the order to return home and back to return the armband after everyone left for home. On the way back to camp, i somewhat took a glance over my shoulders for no apparent reasons, and lo and behold, saw an elderly frail lady sprawled on the ground! Oh my fucking god. I ran to the poor auntie as fast as i could. Regaining certain amount of composure, i dialled for an ambulance and rambled as much as i could.

In the end, thank god that the auntie told me she just suffered from a fall ( even though i could never explain why she was lying flat on the ground ). I think the duty medics ( a lance corp SCDF and a master sergent ) were silently cursing under their breaths for calling them down for a duty as trivial as this on a lazy tuesday afternoon. And why could i somewhere, somewhat, have the queerest feeling that there was a certain sense of resentment for the gentleman in green ( the SAF soldiers ) coming from the SCDF personnals? Hmm.

Now. it was about two years ago, when i came about to save a fellow classmate from fatal injury from a car accident. Then, only one brave soul stepped forward ( after a while too ) and assisted me in assisting the poor fella. Only slowly after, a handful of 1) 'concerned' folks 2) kaypohs, dared stepped on the precorious road to offer their well wishes. And suprisingly, none of the 100 and one PIONEER JUNIOR COLLEGE fucking stupid students came forward to offer help. Maybe their books were too heavy. Or maybe they must have thought i was too handsome to be so kind, and thus they must have thought i was filming a cool show with a fake pool of blood.

Today, one kind girl from ANDERSON JUNIOR COLLEGE ( what's with my capslock ), came forward to help. And even though she might have not been of much assistance ( i was in control of the situation ) she was kinda sweet enough to keep on consoling the poor auntie. As usual, there were fanfares and it was very much an unwholesome spectacle of entertainment as people generally gathered around to watch the show. Some fucking retarded malay lady actually brought her kids down and sat by the road side to watch us.

All in all, i think god had a pretty crucial part to play in today's incident, and i think he initiated my usual forgetfulness to good use ( for fucking once ). And even though i wished that i could be recognised somewhat for my deed today, i walked away quietly once the lady was whisked away into the ambulance. Something pricked me from inside to tell me that what i did was for no medals nor recognition but because i have had sincerely wanted to do it. And i know IF and only IF you were there, i knew you would have been proud of me.

Though.. even though.. sarah's words last night made perfect sense last night. It didn't strike the right chords within me, it woke me up from my pretense slumber.

It's been such a day. Please, feel free to tag shall there be the need, people.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 4:02 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Out of the ten dreams that i have ( and that's not conclusively speaking of course ), nine are about you. None of them wet ones no worries.

But the dreams are causing me sleepless nights ( and that's ironic isn't it? )

I'm fed up with myself, trying my utter best to forget about you, and these ghosts of the yesteryears are still haunting me.

What do i have to do, to convince you, that my heart was always with you?

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 7:12 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Thursday, March 16, 2006

So this is it. I've finally decided to take on the task of re-taking the exams.

And i promise to put in all my effort into these few papers. For my parents whom i have disappointed over the years, for myself to reach the goal that i always wanted to achieve. And with no suprise, to min min, who had used to be my contant source of encouragement till recently. Proving you that your effort didn't went down the drain's really not quinessential, even as i apologise for the nonchalent attitude whilst i was with you. More importantly, this is about my own drive, and my own destiny. But still, i want to prove to you that in all due time, i am still worthy of you.

A big thank you going out to Gab for the proposed a level's tutorial lesson at ITE and to min min for the notes. C maths, geog and econs. I'm considering whether i should take up business management in replacement of econs instead, though.

But i'm thinking where the eff i'm gonna get the 566 cold hard cash to fund for my exams, in 2 weeks time. Not my parents, they're never gonna believe if i said i'm going for the re-exams. Sigh.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 11:17 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

just, let me go overseas as soon as possible.
I don't want to stay here no longer.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 2:13 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Not exactly the response i was looking for :( But to hell with it, i tried asking.

My horoscope's been pretty accurate this couple weeks, and yesterday's one was to reveal to me to take today's disappointment with a smile ( quoting astrology.com ) . I rather i save my fighting strength for the next oncoming battle. I can't smile anymore, smiling is just not within me anymore.

Yet, I can't just quit life, life's not as comprehensible as computers. You can't delete the things you want disposed off, its like a permanent virus, it never goes away. You can't deny yourself of your sufferings even then, no ctrl alt del buttons either. You could, however choose to /del command your memories, your life, and what is left is a mere empty shell.

I didn't quit on life, but i think life just did on me.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 1:56 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Monday, March 13, 2006

I saw this poem somewhere in friendster and i thought it was rather well written ( if it was to be written by a singaporean )

It's called A Seraphic dream.

A Seraphic Dream

Countless days beneath n'ending nights
Memories play with pure delight
Of prestine display and seraphic wings
Of beauty and grace she sings.

Her eyes outshine the auroral glitter
Of the jealous moon's starlight platter
With seemingly effortless ease her smile
Lights a thousand candle piles.

Caught in a frame a picture perfect
In truth no more than abstract
There she stood an epiphany
Only in my dreams she was
Never a reality.


The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 6:01 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Sunday, March 12, 2006

And even with all that amount of ignoring, i'll still be doing it.
Why?

Because someone once said to me that if you never try, you'll never know.
And not because i'm trying to make amendments.

But more then anything, even if you were to play the fool and pretend you know nothing of my doings, i know you still hold a crucial place in my heart, and i want to do anything ( possible ) to make you happy.

The real life is real,
Sinfulindulge is play-real.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 8:36 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Saturday, March 11, 2006

DXO was quite the nice place yesterday. Great music, great drinks, just not too a great dance floor. It was hot, swelteringly hot, and everyone was basically working themselves out on the dancefloor.

When OCS ( my buddy in camp ) told me that his female friends thought i was gay, i chuckled, did not feel offended with all honesty. It's not the first time i've been labelled gay anyway, probably a couple of times before already. Still, i wonder where their base of allegations come about. I haven't seen myself making out with any guys, yet. And i like my girl(s), still, and fresh please.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 10:16 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

Friday, March 10, 2006

Even in the darkest of nights,
i still see your face.

And it refuses to go away.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 7:16 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

Thursday, March 09, 2006

I'm finally done with my 'project'! YAY!! :D To all who aided me oen way or another, thank you very very muchhhhhh :) What a wonderful time it is, despite all the fucking SSL, DDOS, PHP, HTML, scripts and what fuck not. Its incredible i managed to grasp everything within a forthnight for a non techie like me.

So. Guard duty's come and gone. And i'm rather pleased with the colour of my body right now.A big ahneh.. chao tehrish. Basking in the sun everyday rocks, and i swear this is the bestest man's therapy for healthy living. And i've realised, the longer i sleep, the more tired i get. I've been catching mad 3, 4 hours sleep the entire week up doing my 'project', and i'm a living zombie right now. My mind's still functioning as clear as ever and below is my biggest thought of the day.

Why the hell was i scolded for helping someone out. And whether i am going to continue on with my master plan. Will she care.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 7:08 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Monday, March 06, 2006

While i'm grappling with my fucking computer, which i'm intending to replace VERY soon, i shall blog.And when i blog, it's the equalvilance ( however do you spell that?! ) of a verbal diareorra. No holds bar, no toggling emotions. It's my web diary, and shall any of the post tinkle on the raw nerves of any of my readers out there, TOO BAD.

Unless of course, if your name starts if a capital N and ends with a small N.

Which brings about a point i was wondering today. Is it a moral crime to bring out your honest feelings on your very own terrant, your own ground, and then let the (knowing) party suffered the guilt? I'm referring to the previous post of course.

I got to admit I wished you'd do a lot more than the text(ed) thank yous, and wished you would come over and more. But i never did approached you personally have i? Hell, all i did was to sob and cry like a bitch here, on my very own diary. And i'm being criticised for that. And that sucks, not because you never did recipocated ( even though i wished you would ), but because i can't even lament on my own diary? It's akin to not letting me shit on my toilet bowl because my shit is smelly.

B to the itch.

-

Currently listening to Chris brown, cute lil young rnb singer.

-
Back to "work", very tiring. I've been drinking more coffee than my life has ever contained. Late nights been draining me, but this project i just gotta complete.

And MOE's seducing me again, telling me to go sign for the A levels up the other day at the notice board at Yew Tee Mrt. Registration starts 15 March to 5 April i think, so i've got a couple days to decide if i shall cram 3 subs, or 2 within the spans of 8 months. God help me.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 5:38 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Saturday, March 04, 2006

It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better but it's just not the case
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away

Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings,
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?
I miss you
Is everything okay?

It's hard enough just passing the time
When I can't seem to get you off my mind
And where is the good in goodbye?
Tell me why, tell me why

Brian Mcknight - 6 8 12

On hindsight, it probably wasn't your fault at all yesterday and all this while. I've been taking unwarranted presumptions all this while. I took it in all my stride and pride to be your curtain's caller. And thus, there was no need for you to take a second look at me. What am i after all? A nobody. But after all, you were my wonderwall. It doesn't matter anymore that you don't care, i'll really keep trying still, because i'm still so much in love with you.

Forget the lemonade i knew you loved, and would probably need under the hot weather yesterday that i specially made for you. You never asked for it anyway. It was just pure wishful thinking on my part.

My heart was still racing as fast as i first saw you, when i met you yesterday. But there's this unseen boundary, i just can't bring myself to hold enough courage to talk to you, yet.


The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 11:20 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

You know, after all that i've put in for your competition, I seriously feel unappreciated.
I should have never went to beachfiesta today.

Am i going to continue to deceive myself, put on a happy front always, tell you everything is ok, when everything really isn't?

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 2:06 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Friday, March 03, 2006

Pot calling the kettle black.

-

Dearest F3 of funkygrads.com, if you are STILL reading this after 1 am in the mid of the fking night, you better had win the competition with all the strings i've been trying to pull for you. I was kidding ;) But I do you would win though :)

A special word of thanks to Cheryl Chew, whose banners are not exactly the bestest i've seen, but for the surmountable effort in making the banners and making F3 of funkygrad.com think i've done something, but the truth itself is i haven't, even though i volunteered to help. You wanted to do it all by yourself so not my tai ji :) Your effort rocks nevertheless.

Gonna catch some winks now, trying to catch up all my unclaimed sleep over the week.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 9:25 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Hitting the big 2 this year was no biggie, even though i wished it could be.
It was a quiet, and normal affair, and the morning even started unpleasantly ( which i don't think i will want to dwell upon ).

Hitting the big 2 is an achievement itself, and the numerals only means you are soon due for the 30s, and then the 40s.

The teenage pubescent years were fun, wasteful, and generally unforgettable.Moving on to the next stage in life means you are due for bigger and better things in life, and your general sense of direction in life changes for the better.

To my guys in camp, thanks for the impromptu birthday song, and to the few who had bothered with the thoughtful greetings, i appreciate it tons ;)

To the 20th year and the next. Happy birthday to myself :)

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 6:20 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

My wishes for the year,

A car, i'm not gonna care about the license, that can wait.
Happiness within me, and around the world.
You.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 7:22 AM [comment]

{xoxo}