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Friday, December 30, 2005 Exactly 365 days before, we made history. I saw you, did something i've never dare do in my life. And you told me why you were hesistant to enter a relationship. And the rest they say, is history. One year after, my life's changed. You've moved on, i've.. i've stayed it within my heart. The pun is now on history eh, i'm sorry i repeated history. A brand new year awaits, i realised after last night that no matter what, i'm still missing you, alot. That it hurts. ** And a new year awaits boys and girls! Chunk all ya resolutions aside, they never work. Be less miserable like i am, and be more cheery!! Pre NYE's eve was at MOS. MOS's rather refreshing from the usual clubbing scene, but the interior design somewhat reminds me of DXO ( the old club called... uh.. shit i can't remember now ). I enjoyed myself nevertheless though i must mention the design at the rnb section was rather tacky.. musicwise was average, i've heard better. Maybe the companionship compensated for the fucking long queues, and the blasting music. The only redeeming factor IMH was the cold cool beer, which was fresh and smooth ( something you hardly find in clubs now a days ).Overall its probably 8/10 for the interior design and concept, and 6.5 for clubbitude. And my business officially opens for business today!! Wish me luck for my tuition business everyone aight.. :)) Hoping for many good returns for myself, and all my current tutors!! With all this, here's wishing all you guys happy new year and go pull your ear!! Cya all next yr!! The sinful indulgences explored about P at 11:22 PM [comment] {xoxo} Wednesday, December 28, 2005 It's hard to play the devil who's trying to make amends, and at the same time it's really hard to play a bad guy despite contradicting reports. Really it is, i've tried, and i've failed. Everytime i try to be bad, conscience hits me ( yes i still have one ) and everytime i do good, i tell myself to cut some slack. But really, as i am trying my best to create an identity for myself, there is NO point in being overly nice. You'll just get climbed over your head. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 9:28 AM [comment] {xoxo} Monday, December 26, 2005 Saw a monk smoking, and a cat perched precuriously on the letch ( and i wondered how it got there ) of a three storey flat toady. Random. I remembered, at ACS back then, there were this 'quote of the day' matter whereby a prefect would denote what the day's most inspiring quote ought to be, and how it was suppose to motivate and egged us further into becoming a 'scholar, officer, gentleman'. I don't have much inspiring quotes around, not much that i put into practice anyway. But here's one i got off somewhere. It tells us to put more of the ( I ) into the ( she would be ), ( they would be ).. so instead of saying the many i think i would be happier.. i think i can be.. try putting yourself into the shoes of the person that matters to you most ie.. she would be so much happier.. she could be this gorgeous one.. something i never did try. It was really all about me. Though i dare say i put in everything in loving. I just never did give up many others. And don't put words in my mouth. I never said i did love you only that much. I know how much i've place into this relationship, heart AND soul. I drift away, not because i'm giving up ( even though its very tempting right this moment ), but because you are happier. And i've realised after all this, that i'm really sorry for not being able to give you the happiness you were seeking. I still want to. Because you were my everything. Still be. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 7:44 AM [comment] {xoxo} Sunday, December 25, 2005 You could only make a heart-break worse by spiteing it further. Quote the girl today, " i'll be a fool to go back with you ". Amusing, yes. Heart-wrenching, absolutely. I know not of any of the things you do nowadays. You seemed cordial, and yet you remain spiteful. Some of your messages are denotated by the very guy who reads my blog on a regular basis i know, just like how i am eying his back. I WILL give up one of this days, really. It's just too painful to carry on pining for someone so dear and yet, so far away. Only time will tell because you never believed in me. Many tears, many aches, just too few moments. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 5:27 AM [comment] {xoxo} Friday, December 23, 2005 Euro dance can be addictive. Ever since Ministry of Sound came to singapore, i've been trying out the dance compliations of theirs for a taste of euro music. It's upbeat and rather dancable i must say. Try some of the below songs out today. The bravery - An honest mistake , and The killers - Somebody told me. Kinda old school rock, but it jams into a nice tidy piece of euro dance. And speaking of MOS, i'll be heading there tonight to celebrate a woeful christmas eve. Any souls who wish to accompany me, gimme a call @ my new number aight? :) Merry Christmas to one and all again! Much lurvveee <3 The sinful indulgences explored about P at 8:17 PM [comment] {xoxo} wo0ow.. i didnt know your voice could be so uplifting :) The sinful indulgences explored about P at 3:57 AM [comment] {xoxo} Thursday, December 22, 2005 Was scratching my ballooning belly today and exposed indecent amount of belly flesh, when this lady captain walked past me. Forgetting to salute, i walked past her and quickly withdrew my hands to a less-visible porportion of my lower body for fear of being charged with indecent behaviour. Behind me, i swear i could hear my platoon giggling. Mere snippets of my mundane life in ayer rajah camp right now. Life is pretty good. It's god damm slack so much so that i have plenty of time to sleep.My MSG ( not higinomoto but my staff servent ) is one heck of a jolly good fella ( in the most positive manner possible ) and i've not seen him raised his voice or let out an expletive, thus far. Giving me ample time to capitalize on my next venture. Ah yes, that reminds me about last night's outing with sarah chian as well. The EX. now also known as the good-friend-cum-breakuptimewefindeachother-buddy. Talking to her right now is kinda fun. She's outright and straightforward, still as whiny as before never the less. But the conversation(s) we had right of last night was kinda an experience of itself for me. It was open and frank and simply no holds barred as we just let our emotions flowed. For me at least. I think it was comforting to know morbidly that someone is on an equal plight as i am, maybe far less worse off. For her relationship ( i think ) isnt left hanging on the balancing beam, its just still hanging in the open for redemption. Mine, its gone with the wind. I'm losing bits and pieces of hope with each passing day, and to be honest, i've not been making myself lose as much sleep and tears as i used to be. I wouldn't change for her even if there were to be a miracle. Maybe someday, but not right now. Which left me to question how much i love her indeed. I've got plenty to blog about tonight, but my brother's gonna use the comp right now. So goodnight you guys and if i don't get to blog much this couple of days, merry christmas everyone and have a blessed holiday. Much love from Peng Cheng. P.s, Don't forget my present aiiightttttttttt!! ;) i've been good this yeaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! Merry christmas again everyone! The sinful indulgences explored about P at 7:15 AM [comment] {xoxo} Wednesday, December 21, 2005 why is everyone growing up and not waiting for me to grow up too? The sinful indulgences explored about P at 9:21 AM [comment] {xoxo} Tuesday, December 20, 2005 How many sad love songs, soapy sappy dramas, endless rainfalls. Heartbreaks. Does it take to forget you? Honestly could it be you and me The sinful indulgences explored about P at 7:01 AM [comment] {xoxo} Saturday, December 17, 2005 It's about getting over you, getting over me. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 9:57 PM [comment] {xoxo} Thursday, December 15, 2005 Name: TAN PENG CHENG Comd SAF BMTC congratulates you for your successful completion of the BMT. Your Posting Order is listed below: 1. You are posted to SAF OETI. 2. Your vocation is AUTO TECH - C VEH. 3. Your are to report to: Ayer Rajah Camp, BLK 201, RM #01-02. Reporting Date/Time: 19/12/2005 at 0800 hrs. Person to report to: Chief Clerk Contact Number: 68708272 You are required to report in smart no.4 uniform (PES E recruits to be in No 3 uniform), except for those assigned to Police Force. 4. Special Instruction: You are not required to bring along the SAF issued items given during BMT, except for PT Kit. This is a staying-out unit. WAKAKAKAKAK RELAX ONECONRNER :DDDDDDDD , its either this or sispec. So considering this is a 8-5er and its service side, i can relacccccccccc... The sinful indulgences explored about P at 7:13 PM [comment] {xoxo} Wednesday, December 14, 2005 Love is made for forever? I doubt it. Not in this modern context anyway. You could say i've been heart-broken one too many to believe in "love" anymore, but i don't think everlasting love lasts. I've tried. Today, when i was with J, i couldn't honestly say that you were in my mind. Not at that point of time. Only when she told me she was from SMU did i hesitated, and bade her farewell. Such stupidity, such naivity. Such emotions. I'm starting to learn emotions is the cause of the downfall of man. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 1:20 PM [comment] {xoxo} Tuesday, December 13, 2005 The city ; a kadeiloscope of colours. I was in town just a couple of hours ago, town as in bugis street bencoleen street town. The place i thought i was oh so familiar with. Yet, i never knew behind the buzzling cosmopolitian street laid a condusive after-work chilled out place. More fondly known as Princep street, i saw throngs of people dining and chilling out, even till the wee hours of dawn ( read 5 am ). Geylang next. Colourful as always, nevertheless. And i learned i can never become a good driver!! GAH/ I don't have either the patience, nor the temper to tahan fucked up drivers. I'll be f*ing cussing and swearing if you were to sway into my path. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 7:47 PM [comment] {xoxo} Sunday, December 11, 2005 I saw her face, in a crowded place, and i didn't know what to do. I still think you're, beautiful. I saw you today. And you saw me too. You said hi, and i stuttured, not knowing what to do. I said hi back almost immediately, and you had to follow the convo by telling me about the phone. Normal post-chatters i suppose. The awkardness was miserable, and in front of my former collegues, i failed miserably. You're so happy right now ( or at least you show you are ) , then i ain't wanna play the partay popper. It's still the hesitation in me right now. I just want to play the cards right, right now. I just want to busk the limelight in your shadows ( quite an irony i know ) and all i wanna do is to be there when you need me to. Time may heal all wounds eventually ; destiny might have something new for me. But for now, i stand resigned but resolute. Almost two days ago, i was at the end of my wits and spirits, at the end of the two days i thought i would give my all out, before ending it all. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 5:24 AM [comment] {xoxo} Thursday, December 08, 2005 Post POP mortem. Reflections and thoughts. Like what i've written in my campbook's biodata, i think i've gained a lot entering the army. An i've lost a few precious thing in my life as well. I've learned the importance of patience, learned the importance of perservarance, and learned that ultimately, you have to fight for the things you hold dear to. It will never be on a on a silver-platter served to you. I've gained many life-long friends, but my weakness have made me lost the most important person in my life. Her. I've come to realise that i lack maturity in many aspects of life. Many times she still holds the burning flame in me, but she's beginning to succeed in her wish ; of making me forget her. In the past, i've let her down many times, but i've always tried to pull back strong ; this time around, she's wounded me so badly, defence is the only option. I wondered to myself as i approached Sunshine plaza ( couple of roads down the place we used to work ) if i should be as nice as her current beau in order to win her back. Then i said Nah, i'm not gonna to. It's not the person i am anyway. I have my speciality, my fortes, and i'm unique because of my quirky character. I do need to tone down my temperature, but elsewise, there's that much i can change. Five minutes and a half later, i received a call from an ex-collegue of mine telling me they were in the same building ( and the same famous parklane wonton mee eatery ) only 15 mins ago. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 6:19 PM [comment] {xoxo} Wednesday, December 07, 2005 I close my eyes when it gets too sad I think thoughts that i know are bad. I close my eyes and i count to ten Hope its over when i open them. I want the things that i had before Like a star wars poster on my bedroom door I wish i could count to ten Make everything be wonderful again. Everclear - Everything is wonderful now - POP lo! :))))) Life is good right now yeah balls. As the army song goes, no more SOC, no more IPPT, no more sergent tekan me!! Pre - POP was, however, nerve wrecking, as i had a 39.5 degrees fever. So damm proud of myself for not getting the elusive MC and have to thank my body system for the quick recovery in time to march out for the passing out parade. The passing out parade itself was rather, normal. Everything went clockwork planned. There was only one point in time i was about to freak out, and that was the "putting on caps" part. I was really afraid my parents weren't coming. Just as my 2IC LTA Samuel was asking where my parents was, there came the two creator of me. My mom capped on for me my cap, and i gave the sheepish grin ever. I was so touched i was lost for words. Then the moment of truth arrived. As the Mc ( my platoon commander LTA Marrrrccccccooo ) announced the new batch of privates, the caps went sailing into the air. Joys and jubilation instantly flooded the parade square. It was such a moment to be relished. Emotions overran as tears were sighted. Amidst all that joy and fun, i silently prayed that you would arrive with my parents, watch the nondeslackal boy graduate into a better man. Even if you claim i never furbish you with enough details for you to come, i think its perfectly fine. I thank you Min min, for being the pillar of support through my darkest point in time in the army , and for being my moral support like you always have. Thank you. POP LO! The sinful indulgences explored about P at 3:30 PM [comment] {xoxo} Sunday, December 04, 2005 Today marked the first ever time in aeons since i had a father-to-son chat. Not like it went very smoothly, but it was after a very time have i spoken to him concerning matters of the heart. He asked where she was, and why he haven't been seeing her around. I paused, and pondered, and was about to tell him she was busy with studies. But i told him it was all over. In front of my mom and my brother, he exclaimed. And asked what the matter was. I told him it was, just, all over ( and the dejected face might have probably helped as well ). He insisted that there MUST have had been something the matter between the two of us. I looked at him, shrugged, and carried on folding my number 4. - I consulted my two buddies in camp the approach for inviting her, have been struggling to consider whether she should attend. No i am not being choosy, i'm not saying if she has the right to attend, she has every right to choose. Just that not inviting her would ineviably deny my reason of serving the army, and yet at the same time inviting her to the parade, would also invite more trouble. Emotions overruled in the very end as i chose to text her, albeit subtly so as not to give her the impression that there was other lingering feeling inside me. I text her, and told her exactly why i would love to have her presence on the day itself. Somewhat, it all backfired. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 1:38 AM [comment] {xoxo} Saturday, December 03, 2005 You're not fit to tell me the meaning of cherish. If i see you outside, i'll plummer you. This, i give you my word, from the very first fucking time that i saw you. - The anticipation of passing out is nerve-wrecking, and yet at the very same time pleasant. Pleasant enough to hollla out POP! to the neighbouring recruits ( who have just been newly conscripted by our friendly forces ). It was the exact same scene three months back, the neighbouring recruits echoing out loud the passing out words, with such gusto you thought national service was a joy. The same scene was re-enacted just 12 hours ago at our 24km road march. Such emotions, such estacy. - My blog's such a sad sod. I need to revel in more happy thoughts. POP(ing) in 3 days time, i'll wish you'd come. The sinful indulgences explored about P at 4:47 PM [comment] {xoxo} |
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