Saturday, November 26, 2005

Editor's note : Below are just some random thoughts and musings, do not take it overly serious

Random numerous posts, because i'm due to serve the nation later.

I have been thinking, and thinking hard, when i would surmise enough courage, to free-fall twelve storeys ( or more ), slash my wrist to waddle in my own dirty blood, to pop enough pills to see god or even to breathe in enough methane that i'll be high up with the stars.

I've all along been carrying radical ideas. Many loathes and despise suicides. They say escaping isn't the only way out. But the courage they carry to end life once and for all, its morbidly admirable, and fascinating.

I turn around to review my life ; no true friends, no one who loved me, no proud "moments" to call my own, no real achievements in life. What's there to lose?

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 11:07 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

i didn't know the feeling of heart-break goes like this ; it disintergrates your heart, bit by bit, and within moments, you feel this sourish, painful and warm burst of energy engulfing your entire heart.

Now i'm wondering whose the bigger liar, and who the biggest cheater was. If i could cry right now, i'd cry out a river. But them tears have been restrained for so many occasions, they've been piped-jam.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 4:43 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

You know, love is such an unfathomable object/subject.
It brings you to the brink of death, and makes you soars past seven heaven.
It makes you do the sillest of matters, things you never knew you would/could do.

And yet, how many can say they have truly fallen in love before? Who knows what love really is?

-

I woke up today, intending to meet her again discreetly. But my head did not agree with waking up early. Last night was pretty much havoc, and it's been a very long while since i got into such an unsightly state. To all my friends who took care of me last night, i say my thanks. Woke up still seh, and went to acs ( i ).

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 12:25 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Saturday, November 12, 2005

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

Verticle horizon - everything you want

--

I'm off to another two week summer camp ; am confined for live firing range. He's returning back soon, and i hope you'd get your act together.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 11:36 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

One more month to passing out! How happy :) As usual, i've gotten by with the minimalist of my efforts, though i'm proud to say i've pushed myself more and more as the challanges roughens. To say today, when we had our IPPT, the whole bunk couldn't believe it when our 10 min 2.4 km runners were making paces with me, the first two rounds of course, thereafter no strength already. ha. Still, there's always so much for improvement i suppose.

There's so much residue on my mind still. It's like, after you pung sai you never clean backside, all the shit is still inside there, very smelly. Problem is, this is not about pungsaing, its more about eating sharksfin. The sumptuous taste is still there, i can't seem to get rid of it. I still think of you alot alot. I've been telling myself not to contact you, to forget you. But that's only a delusion. I'm trying my utter best not to talk to you, but time and again i've failed. I'm trying my best. You mended your broken heart so much faster then i did, i think you bloody cheated.

There could be a thousand and one songs i could sing right now, like bryan adams - everything i do i do it for you, but that has already been done at the expense of my bunk mates, who have to patiently and torterously go through my mood-swing periods where i would multate into a montonous love-song singing machine. I think i think too much about you already. At the sickest point of my life, under the cold pouring rain where it was all cold, i thought of dying, and thought of you. I cried under the shower of pelting water, and called out for your name. I don't ever think you'd heard me, i don't think there is a need to anyway.

I still don't understand why i'm struggling all this so hard all for you. I still wish you would see me graduate. I really do. I may be scattered and torn, but everything i do, i do it for you.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 8:16 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

Friday, November 04, 2005

My horoscope for today..

You can come out now. The rest of the world is finally ready to stop playing mean, petty games with each other, which means you're finally off duty. For the next few days, you can actually relax and stop trying to patch up squabbles and put out brushfires started by irate friends and family. Gosh, what will you do with all this free time?

How true.. how true..

When i said i didn't love you no more,
I did what i had always done to you
I lied.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 4:06 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Minney mouse the mambo queen!
How queer.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 10:26 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keeps playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head

The picture of you and him keeps rewinding in my mind, my dream, its fucking hunting me right now. Steer me towards sanity i plead with you, its driving me crazy.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 8:10 PM [comment]

{xoxo}