Monday, October 31, 2005

for a moment when the world was spinnin
I thought i could lose the memories of you and me.
But its always illusions that numbs the senses
Because gravity pulls us back to reality.

I'm a walking contridiction.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 5:19 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Back from field camp with aballa mosquito bites, scratches, and patches of rashes. Field camp was honestly speaking, fruitful.
I've learned a lot about myself ( which i perharps already knew before hand ), and the many idiosyncracies of my fellow bunk mate. I've learned that my malay platoon sergent is not as dumb as i thought he was, and i've learned again that i'm a slow mutha fucka learner. I'm really inept in picking up lessons, which explained why i never made it pass the first year in college. I've not slept for the entire 7 days outfield ( ie: no beds, no rooms, only mosquitos, flies, centipedes etc.. ).
Field camp thought me the importance of reasoning oneself during an emergencies. People like me who panics at the very first sight of danger would flunk the situtional test very badly ( i figured ). Learning to rationalise the hectic sitution right in front of you is essential. And it takes brave guts to further that one up by leading an entire platoon of tired, motivationless, hungry soldiers who survives on dry and cold food ration packages. It's mind boggling.
Ultimately, field camp made me awakened to the very word endurance. Every little matter in life, no matter big or small ( army, life, love ) is a test of your ability to withstand the amount of pressure, which serves to only strengthen the foundation of your believes ( if you have one to start off with ). I did not last through the 7 days i admit, but that was only because i was down with a fever on the first day.
Field camp made me also deliberate on whether i should endure on and chiong to becoming a commander ( sispec only, i do not have the grades nor the ability to make it as an officer ), or to become a lobo.
I think i thought who confirm.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 5:37 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Back in fuckin national service in 1 hours time. 2 weeks confinement for field camp. ARGH. Angsty.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 12:25 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I hate army. Not particularly the training and such, not the trainers. Just the entire concept of it. Why the fuck does Singapore need a bloody undertrained conscripted bunch of no-good like me who loathes to serve the nation, when all they can do is splash their unused mollas on missionaries. And the fucking truth is, should there be a war, Singapore government would give up and surrender without a fight. WHAT IS THERE TO FUCKING FIGHT. SENTOSA? POTONG PASIR?

FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND. FUCK YOU FUCKING MAGGOTS. ( gentlemen, doesn't this sound all too familiar? )

-----------

All i wanted to, was for you, one to one, tell me that everything is over.
But everytime something happens, you run to him.
Don't give me this shit anymore.
Do you think you are the only one with the tears?
I'm the clown who turned my heart-brokened tears for you into smiles and laughter only because you said you would cry even more when i cried.
But everytime that happens, my heart burns.


Listening to - Oasis : Stand by me

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 5:08 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Thursday, October 13, 2005

If you are reading this, i'm sorry.
I'm sorry for making you cry.
I'm sorry for crying.

I'm sorry all this had to end so soon.
I'm sorry that i was the cause.

If this was truly love,
then love has gone away
Love has seeked stranger pastures
Cupid's gone astray.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 9:52 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I saw this term for this new tv show on cable called speed dignosis, and i couldnt help but laugh. Speed dignosis seems to be the essence of the doctors in tekong. They go in and dignose your illness within 1 min ( im not kidding you ), mumbles a whole load of bullshit, and asks " is that clear ". My fever and ATTN C status ( the luxuary of resting at home ), was all duly prompted within 30 seconds.

I'm feverishly feverish. My campmates said i chao keng, which i un/fortunately did not. 38 degrees seem plausible eh. Wished it was 40 and above though, so i could rest in the wards of hospitals. Crazy, i know.

Because the truth is i need to be morphined, the wish to be drugged, to be put to sleep. I did not obtain the fever by thinking of you, that would be just juvenile. But under the shining stars, your image drifts rapidly amongst the madness. I think of you every moment. Missing is a bad endorphine, and it seeps through my mind.

My mind and my fingers no longer coincide. I'm feeling drowsy from all the medications.

Happy birthday Min.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 5:55 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Saturday, October 08, 2005

I'll always remember today, as the day you ripped my heart. Hate, is a mere understatement, for the feelings i have for you.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 11:34 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Fuck em shits.
I need em adrenelin rushes.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 4:04 AM [comment]

{xoxo}

Saturday, October 01, 2005

You,
Doin' that thing you do,
Breaking my heart into a million pieces,
Like you always do

And you,
Don't mean to be cruel,
You never even knew about the heartache,
I've been going through
Well I try and try to forget you girl,
But it's just so hard to do,Every time you do that thing you do

*insert DA DA DA DA DA and loud strumming of guitar

I think of you every single time we sing this song during this road march and our platoon's favourite song - The police's Every step you take. Life's crumpling on me right now. I've never learn to treasure the things i have, and i always wanted what i never could have.

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 2:15 PM [comment]

{xoxo}

So imbued am i, with the SAF 7 core values, that i can't even get a fucking eye-shut in the afternoon, without the nightmarish voices of my sergents to fall in.

The hindsight of it all? I'm getting a fever!! YAY!!

The sinful indulgences  explored about P at 2:25 AM [comment]

{xoxo}